This time one year ago Tim and I were driving back from the hospital for the second time being told I was in labour, but not enough labour to be admitted. Having never been in labour before I was pretty confused. Exactly how much labour did I need to be in before they would hook me up to the gas machine and let me stay? One year on I am no less confused about the world of parenting and truthfully no less interested in being hooked up to a gas machine when I need a bit of something after a long hard day of work and Mumming.
When I reflect on the last twelve months I can honestly say I have never been so off kilter in my life. Parenting Year One has been a crazy ride and I can’t believe it’s gone by already.
I have learnt a lot this year, some of it helpful and some of it not. I have never related so heavily on Google to guide me through life. My search history largely consists of sentences that start with “why does my child…?”, “what if my child…?”, “when does my child…?” and my personal favourite, “should I worry if my child…?”.
I have learnt that it’s not impossible to feel incompetent at everything all at once and find my inner voice spends a lot of time quietly whispering “what the hell am I doing?” about 20-30 times a day. Google search history – “How to maintain work life balance”, “how to find work life balance”, “am I completely scarring my child because he is the first to be dropped off and last to be picked up at childcare?”, “why does no one do a wine home delivery service in Canberra?”.
I think it’s taken me a year to realise that I’m never going to feel like an expert at this. Every single day Hugh changes and grows. What I knew yesterday no longer applies and what happens tomorrow is literally anyone’s guess! Some days that’s hard. Really hard. Especially for someone like me who likes stability and a level of predictability.
But there is also so much joy in this process.
I love parenting with Tim. He is truly my partner in this journey and I adore how much he loves our son and how much Hugh loves his Dada. The relationship between these two is the most amazing and beautiful thing to watch and I am in awe of how much patience and understanding Tim can draw on everyday, not just for Hugh but for me as well.
And of course there is Hugh himself. Our boy is doing so many amazing things. He crawls, he laughs, he throws balls around the house (and anything else he can get his mitts on). He can pull himself up on almost anything, climb the bottom stairs of the staircase, say ‘Dada’, ‘Mummum’ and ‘Nan’, feed himself a piece of BBQ chicken and down 3 bowls of Greek yogurt in about 5 minutes.
He has a smile that lights up the room and personality in spades. He’s a social butterfly like his Mumma and just wants to explore everything this world has to offer.
Hugh Alexander Abrahams, you’ve changed our lives in almost every single way but there is not a thing I would change.
Happy birthday Baby Boy.